The more I stay single… and mingle, the more my heart is closing in to the idea of the ability to love.
I’m not materialistic. I’m not superficial. And neither am I dominant, superior or egoistic.
All I wanted was for something simple. Even so, I’m all ready to love someone, despite knowing if that someone can’t love me back for some reason. But that was then when I realized that the more I look into the matter of proving to everyone that look, despite I know I don’t wanna be involved in the matters of the heart… I still do have a heart.
I’m not a stone cold bitch, ok?
I think a perfect marriage (on the basis of a stringless emotional noun): consists of two beings, with mutual feelings for each other, doesn’t necessarily have to be exceptionally in love, enjoy each other’s company despite any weather, mind-blowing sex, similar traits but different views for constructive or rather, argumentative conversations (maybe for the fun of it).
And then you fall in love… with each other, together everyday.
Conclusion: Marry your best friend or a best friend material.
Your best friend doesn’t judge you, he’ll love you the same no matter who you are, because his love for you starts from the platonic level & it’s a totally different level as what couples are feeling for each other. You don’t need a reason to impress him just to make him love you more, he’ll forgive you if you forget.
. . . . . . . .
But despite my rantings of conclusions, you know what?
I’m sick of having a man for my needs & ended up not having anything concrete after. In other words if anyone who asks me what’s my type of men, I’d say…
“You have that thing everybody else wants. You can take it for granted. But let me tell you, if you couldn’t— if you couldn’t be with the person you want, I guarantee you, hearing him promise to love and honor and cherish you no matter what, it would be pretty much all u could think about..”—Izzie Stevens, Grey’s Anatomy
This is just something I came across which I wrote earlier this year dedicated to my gems. It was one of the down times of my life where I couldn’t have gone through without them. Saranghae, babycakes. A lot.
"I don’t know where to start but right now, all I can think of is not to cry at the end of this freaking long ithinkmightnotbesoemo note to my dearest gems.
I know all of you are of different cliques and we meet at different occasions and some of you, seriously I used to dislike you. You know who you are. But things turned out pretty well & till today, I have no regrets being your girlfriend & really appreciate you to be there for me through thick and thin. No favoritism here although I have to make a disclaimer, Lenny will always be my wife, period.
The start of 2010 was pretty catastrophic for me. My parents are breaking up (have broken up in fact) & then there was this relationship I used to have and thought it’s going somewhere but in the end, he turned out to be another loser… There were on so many occasions where I tried to be strong for everyone around me given the impression that Nat’s not the kind who cries. But seriously, my whole life crumbles in front of me & you have no idea how bad the separation of my parents hit me. Given that the man who brought me up totally, utterly disappoints me (which makes it the core reason why I don’t trust men now).
I’m still in denial about the fact that I’m all right, when the truth is.. I’m not. Truth, I envy some of you who falls in love, keeps everything simple, getting married & at least still have a pair of parents, which of course nobody cant have it all. I kept myself distracted with work, parties, friends, boys… which at the end of the day will just lead to me thinking about what’s happening at home.
And then come that guy… who turns out to be another jerk. Urgh. Which all of you know & please hate… haha! Let’s not go there.
OK. Let’s get straight to the point. As much as I’m never good being expressive when it comes to loving someone, I just want you to know that what you have done for me, holding me up, having my back and making sure I still have the strength to smile at the very least really touched me and I cant find any words to express my gratitude. Even not judging me for the mistakes that I’ve made and still believe in me despite alot of different accusations from sources due to jealousy, envy, revenge, hatred bla bla bla. I really cant find any other better people than you girls to be there for me at this really down low of my life. Who needs boyfriend?
As on my part, my biological clock is ticking way madly than usual. (ok that’s random).
As on my part, I just wanna say, I love you. I really really do. I’ll pray for your happiness, find love, stay in love & be successful in many ways than just having a good career. I’ll give you a really good hug when I meet you & please, really… i will never want you to be in my shoes cos it’s not really a nice feeling to get your heart broken. Even if happens some jerk decided to do that to you, you know you can count on me now for a real good loving hug. And you know that.”
“You take for granted what you have and you can’t take it with you when you die. There is never enough and you will always want more. No matter how much you learn, no matter how much you earn, you are still yourself and exactly as close to the edge as where you began. And all you can ever learn is what you already know. You will always want to know what the ending is, but you can’t because you’re dead. Dear God, I’m on my knees before you. the words are on their knees. Ready to go. All the words. All the words. The ending is words.”—Go Now by Richard Hell (via quote-book)
“Thank you for agreeing to be my fotographer/bridesmaid without even thinking much when i called and kept changing my wedding dates! and of coz for the craziest idea for my Hen Night party, for the beautiful words you wrote about me on your notes. I see kindness in your eyes, sure enough you might have bn misunderstood on couple occasions but i know beneath that tough exterior is a gooey custard who care a hell lot for her friends, im glad that i am one of them.”—From one of my gems, Ada. Saranghae, babygirl.
I knew I shouldn’t agree to have lunch with you. But according to circumstances & past experiences, you might be just like your good friend. And being me, I love getting involved in mind-fucked games, so I can scrutinized your species more, since all the more, you both are friends.
I thought it was just that. Period.
I was wrong.
You decided to get a bottle of wine to end the night with a blast. But the difference about you is that the conversations we had were plainly platonic & the time went past like a breeze & it was really… well, I don’t wanna say it, but it was… comfortable.
Nothing emotional, really. I can grow balls, cut them off & feed them to the dogs to prove my point.
But again, my point was proven wrong.
The fact that sometimes, when people, especially men, wronged me, that’s a definite turn on.